Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Of epic battles and devastation

Our tale begins on the eve of the eighth of September, 2009, in a girls grammar school.
The teachers have noticed something fishy.
"Something appears to be wrong with the toilets!" cried one. "They won't flush!" Baffled slowly and methodically went through a copy of the yellow pages in order to find some plumbers. by this revelation, the head teacher. Eventually, they arrived, clad in... errr... what plumbers usually wear. They shut themselves in the room where they believed the problem to be, while the head teacher peered frantically through a small window in the door. After several hours of painstaking work, the chief plumber emerged. "You might want to sit down." he explained to the head. "It isn't good news..."

At exactly 9:45 the following morning, the head's army of teachers were forced to grimly make their way up to their form rooms and deliver the news to the eagerly waiting students. One in particular wanted to put off the news for as long as possible. She walked into her form room - a hi-tech area (the computer room), which was filled with sixth formers. She handed out the letters, which had been "lovingly" prepared by the head, face down. "Now." she said, solemnly, when everybody had recieved one, "Turn them over and try not to scream."

The letters read that due to an unforseen collapsing main water pipe, there were not enough facilities to accomodate the students, and thus, they would have to be sent home. The students, needless to say, were absolutely devastated.

So, the line of students wound up from the school toward the high street, tramping their way up to Starbucks, and, inevitably, to home.

Meanwhile, the headteacher had decided that enough was enough. She called her secret base and requested an epic crack team of plumbers to come to the school and rectify the problem. After around five minutes, the plumbers burst into the room containing the rogue pipe, and began to work...

After a painstaking night of trying to contol the water supply, the (very wet) plumbers left the room, looking tired and glum. The headteacher frantically asked their commander "what is it?! WHAT'S WRONG??!!" The plumber said "I'm sorry. We did everything we could."

It was by this time early morning, and the head teacher was forced to make an announcement over the school website. It read:

"I write to advise you that unfortunately we have not been able to reinstate the water supply. As a result the school will be closed on Thursday 10 September. The updated position regarding closure will be posted on the website and you are advised to check this regularly. I should like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your help and support during the closure."

To make a long story short: I have a day off today!

Peace & Love

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