Of results and hyperventalation.

 Image from WeHeartIt.

I woke up on results day thinking "shit".
I had seriously mentally prepared myself for the worst. I was going to be happy with one A, two Bs and whatever I could scrape from media studies, but I was terrified of not even getting that. I know it's "only" the A/S's and it doesn't determine where I go to university just yet, but due to predicted grades and all that malarkey it's definitely going to affect the offers I get.

So, I got into the hall, and opened the envelope (after hiding with Emma in the corner). Thirty seconds later, having actually read the stuff, I was literally hyperventilating.
It wasn't what I had hoped for.
It was better than I could ever have expected.
The long and short of it is:-
Music - A
Media - A
English lit - A
Japanese - B.
I was NOT expecting three As. I thought I'd be lucky to scrape one. And the lack of Cs on the list means that I can apply to the universities I like AND take the three subjects I love. Bye bye media studies!
Well done all!

Today's music has been on the brain for ages.

Peace&Love

Of foreboding and the city...

 Photo by me :)

I'm sure I was made for the city.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but if it weren't for money issues I would've been a Londoner. And now I've been to Paris. I think it's safe to say I am in love with the place. I made a wish going under the bridge (the one where you're meant to fall in love), but I won't tell you what it was or it won't come tree ;). Then on the way back we went through London in a cab, and I remembered how much I love that too. As it is, for the next year I will be remaining in shit-village-in-the-middle-of-nowhere. Still, could be worse. It's safe, I guess. Unlike the next town I might add [see people-going-when-the-light-turns-green-even-if-there's-a-pedestrian-right-in-front-of-them.]

It's weird to think that I'll be moving out in just over a year. I kind of feel mentally ready for it, but at the same time I don't want to leave all my friends behind! The other thing is the unpredictable nature of the move. I don't know WHERE I'm actually moving to. But Thursday might go some way to deciding...
Thursday. Results day. FUUUUUUUCK.
(And they actually matter this time!)
I'm hoping to get an A in music and Bs in everything else, but I'll have to see. This also goes some way to determining what I drop this year. I know what I WANT it to be, but I'll have to see...

In the meantime, here's the music for today :)

Peace&Love

Of ageing and updating.

I haven't been able to be on much lately. First, my internet went down, for nine days. But it's back now. And then I've just been doing other things.
In this time, I got hit by a car (it was going at like 10 miles an hour but I twisted my foot breaking my fall, nothing's broken but it hurts like fuck. Then I went to see the University of York and fell in love somewhat... it's one of the hardest ones on my current shortlist to get into, though. Hmm.... The day in question was also my seventeenth birthday! Raves ensued and I am now the proud owner of a whole bunch of CDs, a new birdcage necklace and a minature TARDIS, among other things. Thankee all!

And now there's the end of term blues. I mean, it's not like I particularly enjoy school of anything, but nearly everyone's away over the summer. And I'm stuck here in England the entire time, save a possible/probable weekend in Paris with the family, which should be awesomely awesome. And I'm already scared about results day. And Goggles is leaving. To be honest I don't blame her in the slightest. The only reason I'm still there is for the very few people who I care about and actually give a shit about me too, and the fact that I want to get decent marks so I can get into a good uni and just start all over again. I'm not much a fan of it other than that. But then people hae actually been horrible towards Goggles. I am simply ignored.

Nothing else has gone on really, so just today's music (Stratovarius) and a picture that made me smile.

Image from WeHeartIt.

Peace&Love

Of freedom and dread.

 Image from WeHeartIt.

A/S exams.
Finished.

Well, thank the Gods or giant lack thereof for that! It's a fairly strange feeling though. I woke up on Thursday (the first day of freedom) and didn't know what the hell to do with myself. I still don't entirely, in fact all I've done was blown the whole of May's budget (due to not going out at all that month, not the most sensible thing to do I know), and before I knew what was happening, I was tossed back into school to start A2s.
All I know is, I cannot stand media studies.
I knew that already. But I seriously cannot wait to drop it. It's not even that there's anything wrong with it, exactly, it's just... not for me. On the plus side, I'm loving the rest of my subjects. Writing and music and languages, oh my!

I've also been really tired recently. I'm not sure why exactly, but it's probably just the shock of being thrust headfirst back into the old routine again. Coca cola is still the only thing keeping me awake, to be honest. That, my friends, and rock n' roll.

George is in Holland for the next few days (I am insanely jealous), but I'm seeing him on Sunday. The town I almost live in is also having some kind of culture festival which for some reason I'd never investigated, but Carmen the Barman is going to show me the stuff on Saturday, which should be great.

I also have creative block, and I feel the urge to do this thing up again. I don't entirely know how yet though.

Today's music is a tad different from my normal listenings - Sugahspank! A few Greek bloggers I follow have been mentioning her, so I decided to have a listen.

Peace&Love

And while we're here, the problem with loving music from another country is when a Dio memorial gala pops up at a club you've wanted to visit for ages in which Marco Awesome Hietala, Tuple Epic Samela, Pekka Gorgeous Heino and Jarkko Fabulous Ahola are playing, and you're two time zones away from it and also a year-and-three-weeks (woah seriously?!) too young for it anyway. Daaaaaang.

Of coming full circle.

 Image from WeHeartIt.

I had my first exam yesterday. Japanese A/S. I think it went alright, which is good. A million times better than the mock, so I'm pretty sure I've got more than an E this time round.
This got me thinking - it must've been almost a year since I started writing this thing. Upon checking, I discovered that sure enough, my first post here was made on the 25th May 2009. I initially started this thing up as a distraction from my GCSE exams (which now seem like they must've been so easy), and to avoid the unending shit that is daytime television whilst on study leave. Since then all kinds of things have happened to me, and now I'm back in exam season again. How time flies. What have I achieved in the past year?
Well, I've kept writing in this thing, unlike I ever have in diaries, which I guess shows some kind of commitment.
I've also gained some good GCSE grades, great additions to the iPod, and a boyfriend. I think it has been time well spent.
Well, right now it's stiflingly hot so I don't know why the hell I'm inside, plus the fact that I've only written two of the ten essays that have accumulated due to my spending all my time on Japanese.
I will leave you with today's music, one of the aforementioned fantastic iPod additions, the lovely Leverage.

Peace&Love

Of studying and losses to metal.

 Image from WeHeartIt.

Tuesday.
Japanese exam on Thursday.
This is followed by music, English and media.
I have been spending every waking moment of my life studying. If I get any more stressed, my head is actually going to explode.

Still, in a month's time, this'll all be over. It'll be summer, it'll be carefree, some of my friends might be able to drive so we can go anywhere. (My goal is Paris but due to lack of money I don't know how realistic this). Also, my family just got tickets to go and see Gorillaz in September. They used to be my favourite band, I haven't listened to them properly for a while now but I'm still excited. Plus it'll be Damon Albarn round #4.

I'm gonna try and get an early night as I have a whole day of Japanese revision ahead of me, but before I go, (sorry to end on a sad note) I have to mention Mr Ronnie James Dio, who passed away last weekend after a battle with stomach cancer. It's a sad day for rock and roll.
1942-2010. RIP

 Funny the things you notice after something like this happens. The first thing I noticed was that his wikipedia article had been re-written in the past tense. Today's music is Holy Diver.
Peace&Love

Of a week in pictures

Except Thursday. Nothing ever seems to happen on a Thursday...

Monday brought with it a pear shaped like a dick, much to the amusment of my friends.

Tuesday brought with it massive political change, and destroyed a lot of my faith in this country.

Wednesday brought with it the weirdest weather EVER.

Friday brought with it a party-in-the-park with a Peter-Pan-piss-up theme.

Well, that's all you'll be hearing from me for like a week. My Japanese exam is in like NO DAYS and I am bricking it, so I'll be spending most of my time revising.

Today's "music" is the only thing preventing me from having an exam induced breakdown.

Peace&Love

Of taking things seriously and cravings for cheesecake.

 Picture from WeHeartIt. I recently discovered this site. It's awesome.

Right now, I'm on home study. And I actually did some studying. This is me, taking things seriously. John Tavener has been thoroughly scrutinised. But hey, the sun is shining. For once. And I really fancy some cheesecake. I had some when I was at Wagamamas with Emma and Zoe (I can't do funny accents on my computer) and the other Emma and Ash and Moos and that other guy who's name I can't remember, and I've been craving it since then. Whoever decided to put cheese in a cake is actually a genius.

Sooo... we still have no government, so to speak. Political envy of the world? I think so. Or not.

Errrm I saw George for the first time in ages yesterday, which I guess was for an extremely belated six months. It was awesomesauce of course. We wandered around singing Eiffel 65 and talking about gene pools.

Exams are HIDEOUSLY CLOSE and due to my school being a monumental fuck up I have no study leave for the hardest one! Ah well.

So, home study is nearly over and I need to actually leave for school in less than twenty minutes, so goodbye for now.

Today's music is BLACK SABBATH. I should really stop watching so many programmes about metal.

Peace&Love

Of political failings and phenomenal lack of social life.

Haven't had much time to post here lately, due to mammoth amounts of revision I've only been reading stuff.
I've also been suprisingly interested in the general election.
So, when Gordon Brown became Prime Minister, he was a natural progression from Tony Blair and we didn't vote for him. We've just had an election, and due to there being no party with enough seats to form a government, Gordon Brown is STILL Prime Minister and we didn't vote for him this time either!
England evidentally has a clear idea of the concept of "democracy".
Whatever. Rather him than Cameron. But that's just my opinion. And Clegg owns them both.
Anyhow, I am very tired and writing this at some ungodly hour so I will be off.
Today's music has been stuck in my head for the past week.

Peace&Love

Of exhaustion and coca cola

The last two weeks have been the most hectic of my life:
Thursday: Music exam
Friday: Music exam
Monday: Media moderation, school concert
Tuesday: Music exam

And it goes on:
Wednesday: Japanese mock
Thursday: University convention
Friday: Music exam.

As Emma would say, FUCK MY LIIIIIIIFE! Still, I am beginning to gradually tick things off my stress list. I seriously need a notepad specifically for lists. I write lists of things to do, lists of stuff to buy, pointless lists like ranking orders of vocalists/countries to visit/political parties, and fuck knows what else.

Anyhow, due to the above list, I am absolutely exhausted. The only thing that stopped me from dropping off at like five o'clock was a can of coke. Woo, caffine! Yesterday we had the school concert, which was awesome (save the out of tune recorders, I didn't even know that was possible!) And I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor is bloody hard to sing without a northern accent.

Today's music is from Tarot's new album. For reasons unbeknownst to me I find the video absolutely hilarious, but the song is good :)



I'm also loving this:


Peace&Love

Of tediousness and preperation.

Well. I feel exhausted. I've texted more tonight that over the whole of the last two weeks, and my bag weighs a tonne. People I am ready for school. Not. And I can guarantee that all my essays are shocking.

The last few days have been literally filled with pessimism. Tuomas Holopainen once said "everything is possible. Even the impossible." Which in anyone else's life would be an optimistic notion. Not in mine. Hey, I was told it was impossible to fail Grade 5 music theory, but look what I've gone and done! (I'm over this enough to be able to laugh about it now.)

Nothing else to report. Today's music is from Massive Attack's new album. Feat. Damon Albarn.


Peace&Love

Of universities and the city.

I went up to London with George yesterday. Forgot Mum's camera of course, so here are my crappy phone pictures:

I was meant to live here. Seriously. Apparently I would've been if my family had been able to afford it.

Today, on the other hand, was spent ordering uni prospectuses, noting down open days etcetra etcetra. I ordered about twelve, but I have two uni's that I love (York and Nottingham) and one where I love the course but not so much the rest of the place (City of London. The trouble is, I'm constantly worrying that I'm aiming too high. York and Nottingham both have pretty much everything I'm looking for - courses with varying modules so you can get an all round view of the subject (music) while still focussing on certain areas, study abroad oppurtunities to places I' really interested in (Finland and Japan respectively), and they're in good locations. Plus they're quite far from where I live, and while I love my family, I don't particularly fancy living with them and commuting up to London every day. Which would be what would happen.

However, I need two As and a B for York, and one A and two Bs for Nottingham, and I don't know if I can manage it. Then there's the trouble of what subjects to take next year: I love English and I fucking HATE media studies, but should I take the one I like more, or suffer for a year if I'd be more likely to get into a decent uni? Ugh, this is such a mission! Help! At least I know the exact course I want to take...

Also, my thoughts go out to everyone in Poland following the plane crash that killed many important members of their government, including the president. May they all rest in peace.

Today's music is a Florence & The Machine demo. I like it way more than the final version!


Peace&Love

Of rebirth and art.

I SAW A DAFFODIL TODAY.
My life is so interesting.

So, Easter. Also my younger brother's birthday. A time of celebration, of thankfullness.

Of rebirth.

I've noticed that a few people have been turning over new leaves with their blogs and such, but I don't really want to do that. I like reflecting over what's already happened. Even though my computer made loads of shitting pointless typos in my old posts for no reason whatsoever.

What I have done, however, is started drawing again.

My confidence kind of took a massive knock when I did so shit in my GCSE, and I kind of haven't drawn anything properly since. Just doodling. But lately I realised, yeah my coursework and such was fucking awful, but the only way I can change that is by practicing.

I'm so glad I didn't do A Level. I would hate it. I would be knee deep in shit by now. I wouldn't be doing Japanese, which I've come to love. But the best part is that now I can just draw the things that I want, and not what's going to get me the most marks. I prefer to keep it as a hobby, since music's gone way past that now. It's got to the point where it's like the second most important thing in my life (after the people close to me). And that's sad.

Today's music is Serj Tankian, who remains in my last.fm top fifteen. Along with My Chemical Romance. And Vivaldi. And Sonata Arctica. I don't know how the fuck this happened.



Peace&Love

Of a newly revised bucket list.

- Study music at university.
- Tour Europe by train and visit every capital city.
- Learn to walk in slip on shoes.
- Join some kind of group of political activists.
- Join a band.
- See the Northern Lights.
- Read all the works of Shakespeare.
- Go scuba diving.
- Meet Tuomas Holopainen.
- Dye my hair some insane colour.

I'm sitting here surrounded by stray paper, a vegetarian cookbook and my beloved iPod. And it's bloody freezing.

Spring is finally upon us. I hate spring, basically due to the weather (I'm British, all I do is complain about the weather!). It's mild and rainy, the inbetween season. And I like extremes. Still, it's a time for new beginnings. I think I'm going to fiddle around with the colourscheme on this thing.

Easter holidays - a bittersweet feeling. On one hand it's great to be off school and to be able to go out and do all kinds of crazy things with my friends and boyfriend, but on the downside I will be spending nearly all of it working. A/S level exams are painfully close.

We didn't make the media deadline, which sucks. I don't want it to sound like I'm blaming someone else for my own mistakes, but to be honest, the teachers were the ones who never gave us any equimpment with which to do the aforementioned coursework, and thus it is ALL THEIR FAULT. Ah well... we're nearly done, so we'll be getting it in as soon as humanly possible.

Today's music is Leverage. Because the vocals from 3.34 to 3.45 made my heart skip a beat.


Peace & Love

Of 60-man-strong pissups and skateboards.

Revelation of the day: The worst thing ever is when you reach into a packet of mini cheddars, expecting to get the last one, only to discover that you've already eaten it.
Go me and my fast metabolism.

Yesterday I went to an uncle's birthday party, where I met loads of distant relatives and family friends who I didn't know existed.
My Dad's brother's wife's brother's daughter is a fellow Nightwish fan.
My Dad's cousin's son's girlfriend is a Portuguese mime artist.
I think my family is a bit awesome. Insane on every level, but awesome.

Today I attempting skateboarding. George was trying to teach me, and let's be honest, I was SHIT, but it was fun all the same. Plus I got a peculiar sense of self-worth when I was able to tell the desperate F1 fan what the results of the Grand Prix had been. Though he was annoyed at the result (1. Alonso 2. Massa 3. Hamilton), I still, y'know, helped him.
Kinda.

I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow. This is made essentially worse by home study in the morning, so by the time I get around to leaving I'll be dreading it even more.
But I' still rather have a lie in.

Today's music I'm pretty sure is originally Guns 'n Roses. Sung by the amazing beardman.


Peace & Love

Of exam success and new haircuts

I got some results back recently.
I did my performance exam in music (the bit I'm actually good at) and got full marks, and I also got the marks back for my whole critical thinking A/S. I got a B, which I was chuffed about considering that I didn't really give a damn so long as I got more than an F. So all is well in nerdy land.

I also got a new haircut today. It's almost as short as I had it back in the summer, and I really like it, even though the colour is still fucked up beyond all redemption. My roots are absolutely horrifying. It was semi permanent. It's supposed to wash out dammit! WASH OUT!

(This is basically a message for Emma): Incidentally, when she'd washed my hair she combed it all back from my face, and bloody hell, I DO have a REALLY square head!

Today's music... is in ANOTHER LANGAUGE.



Peace & Love

(EDIT @ 21:05 - This time last year, I watched Nightwish walk on to the stage at Brixton. Exactly a year ago. TO THE MINUTE.)

Of reunions and pizza.

Sorry I haven't posted anything recently. The most exciting thing that have happened in my life over the past few weeks were a music exam and rice. Yay.

Yesterday was Emma's birthday party, and nine of us went up to Pizza Express. I was getting a lift with Carmen, and we ended up being really late because she couldn't find her phone, but oh well. I saw Aly for the first time in AGES, and finally got to give her her Christmas present! I think Jon Bovi was a little freaked out by some of our conversations, particularly the one about how awesome you feel when you've just purchased some new underwear. The conversation also moved to music, where Emma goes "Sofi likes Nightwish", followed by a chorus of "WE'VE HEARD." by everyone else.

All in all, EPIC AWESOME TIMES.

Today's music is Gorillaz. Because they flatly refuse to get old.


And now, I have to do some research for the joys of media studies.
Peace & Love

Oh, and congratulations Nettan :).

Of flowers and inappropriate footwear.

Today saw even more media studies. We have pretty much all of the filming done now, which is good. One piece of hellish coursework will soon be done and dusted. Living up to expectations, I wore the wrong kind of shoes. Again. This always seems to happen to me, I've ended up wearing boots on the beach before! Today I had red heels on, not realising that we were going to go and film in a MUDDY field. Ah well.
Anyway, I got home complete with mud-caked shoes, and was greeted with a surprise delivery.

Turns out that, knowing that I would be out, George had come round to my house on his way to a football match and dropped these off (belated Valentines day). I've never had flowers before so I was over the moon! I know he won't read this, but thank you!

Peace & Love

Of living in a dream.

I think I know how characters in dreams feel.
"Tell me how does it feel when the dreams become real".
Not that anything particularly interesting happened to me today. But yesterday, I was absolutely CONVINCED that it was Friday, but I know that tomorrow is Saturday. So today was kind of... nothing. The space in between.
"A place between sleep and awake".
I was just kind of walking around, living life as normal, but everything seemed numb and empty. I think it was partly because I'm really tired and it was the last day of term, but I kind of felt like I wasn't completely there. It was cold but I didn't feel it, I caught my semi-split nail so many times but barely noticed, I burnt my tongue on hot chocolate and didn't wince in pain. It was weird. Plus I was thankful that I managed not to impale myself on my sharp music folder.

English Literature really makes me think. Particularly Thomas Hardy. Other than comparing his poetry to episodes of the Moomins, it kind of puts human nature into words. Just as an example, take the first time I went a-wandering round town with George. We sat on a bench for hours just talked. It didn't even matter what we were talking about, just that we were there. But that place in town, it's been there for all the eternity of the world, under different names, and, prehistorically, attatched to Pangea or whatever. (I used to have a dinosaur obsession, I know what the first landmass was called.) It's probably seen absolutely loads of historical things, there's been miriads of people passing by, kings and queens, murderers, lovers, viking invasions... but, because the moment was special to me, I automatically associate that place with that event, even though it's one insignifigant event set against eternity.

Life is too short for memories to fade.

Peace & Love

Of encouraging comments and strange cravings.

I had parents evening at school today. Saw one of the teachers in Japanese and English, and both for music. I managed to get good comments from everyone, which was encouraging. This was probably due to my media studies teacher being ill and thus unable to attend. She's a great teacher and really lovely, but I am HORRIBLE at that subject.

It's been snowing again here. I love the snow, I just don't like how it mucks up all the public transport. I hate having to wait in the cold. Plus I'm getting a little bit bored of winter now. Even though I love it, I really want it to be summer so I can go out without freezing my arse off. Plus reading My Life Is A Mess has given me a massive craving for strawberries, which I never associate with winter.

What else... saw a string quartet at school today which was awesome. Media coursework still not done. Boyfriend away on Valentines Day so celebrating it on the Tuesday instead. Going for Chinese with Georgie etc. Pancakes and drunkeness with Hayley etc.

I cannot wait for half term.

Peace & Love