Of foreboding and the city...

 Photo by me :)

I'm sure I was made for the city.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but if it weren't for money issues I would've been a Londoner. And now I've been to Paris. I think it's safe to say I am in love with the place. I made a wish going under the bridge (the one where you're meant to fall in love), but I won't tell you what it was or it won't come tree ;). Then on the way back we went through London in a cab, and I remembered how much I love that too. As it is, for the next year I will be remaining in shit-village-in-the-middle-of-nowhere. Still, could be worse. It's safe, I guess. Unlike the next town I might add [see people-going-when-the-light-turns-green-even-if-there's-a-pedestrian-right-in-front-of-them.]

It's weird to think that I'll be moving out in just over a year. I kind of feel mentally ready for it, but at the same time I don't want to leave all my friends behind! The other thing is the unpredictable nature of the move. I don't know WHERE I'm actually moving to. But Thursday might go some way to deciding...
Thursday. Results day. FUUUUUUUCK.
(And they actually matter this time!)
I'm hoping to get an A in music and Bs in everything else, but I'll have to see. This also goes some way to determining what I drop this year. I know what I WANT it to be, but I'll have to see...

In the meantime, here's the music for today :)

Peace&Love

Of sun, sun and sun! (THIS POST IS FULL OF HAPPINESS.)

Images from WeHeartIt.

It's sunny! In England!
Needless to say I am in a very good mood right now.
I had a great weekend too - Saturday I went into town with Carmen to see a bunch of local bands (RAP-FUNK FTW) and got thrown filthy looks by posh women in a tie shop. I'm sorry, but I thought that the discussion of how Lady Gaga's Alejandro was actually a protest against the persecution of homosexuals was a pretty intelligent conversation. Sunday was town again with George, we got lost somehow and ended up in a children's playground. And all the while, the sun was shining. Summer's a-comin'... at last! Cue feelings of pure elation!
Tomorrow I'm off to investigate Nottingham uni which I'm really looking forward to, and City of London on Saturday. IF I MISS THE DOCTOR WHO FINALE I WILL CRY. But it doesn't really matter. It'll be on iPlayer.
Yesterday it actually hit me that I'm so close to seventeen. If there's one thing I've learnt in the past year, it's not to take anything or anyone for granted. And things don't just come to you. You have to grab hold of them with both hands and never let them go.

Not only am I in a good mood, but seeing other people happy is great too. Congratulations are in order to Smiffy! And Jukka Nevalainen.

Such a mood has to be accompanied by Brother Firetribe, so that's the music for today. I don't see my love of this man's vocal chords ending any time soon. Just to warn you.

Peace&Love

Of good causes and achievement.

Yesterday, I achieved the unthinkable.
For me anyway. Most people who know be will be fully aware that I am not a sporty person. I am also incredibly unfit. I can't run 30 metres to the train station from my house without feeling like I'm going to have an athsma attack. And I don't ever suffer from athsma.
However, yesterday, through a mixture of walking, jogging and even some running, I, er, travelled five kilometres on foot in only fourty minutes. And why did I undergo such an insane task?

Hayley, myself and Emma, pre-run.

The answer is, for the prevention of cancer. This was the Race for Life, where you get people to sponsor you to run, jog or walk for five kilometres and all the money is given to Cancer Research UK. It's an all-woman event, but it'll raise money to fund research into all types of cancer. 

We were each given an number to stick on our front, and also a label for your back. On this label, you could write the names of specific people that you were racing for.

That was a strange experience. There were over three thousand people there, and on their backs were the names of all the people they knew who had died of or are suffering from the disease. Some of them had whole lists of people, some just a few, and some had summed it up be writing "the 1 in 3" or something along those lines. That got me thinking. Cancer affects so many people, I knew that already, but this kind of put everything in perspective for me. There's musicians that I've already mentioned on here, Dio, McLaren, and Andrew Lloyd Webber is also living with the disease. And then it's affected me too - an English teacher at my school passed away from the disease when I was in year ten, and so did my grandmother in 2006. Her's was the name I put on my label.

So, I feel like I've really achieved something, and at the same time I know that it's not a purely selfish feat, and it is going to help other people everywhere. Now I just need all my friends to pay up!

Just to lighten the mood a bit, today's music is the somewhat amusing sight of Tarot back in the eighties. Marco looks like he's wearing a poodle on his head!

Peace&Love

Of universities and the city.

I went up to London with George yesterday. Forgot Mum's camera of course, so here are my crappy phone pictures:

I was meant to live here. Seriously. Apparently I would've been if my family had been able to afford it.

Today, on the other hand, was spent ordering uni prospectuses, noting down open days etcetra etcetra. I ordered about twelve, but I have two uni's that I love (York and Nottingham) and one where I love the course but not so much the rest of the place (City of London. The trouble is, I'm constantly worrying that I'm aiming too high. York and Nottingham both have pretty much everything I'm looking for - courses with varying modules so you can get an all round view of the subject (music) while still focussing on certain areas, study abroad oppurtunities to places I' really interested in (Finland and Japan respectively), and they're in good locations. Plus they're quite far from where I live, and while I love my family, I don't particularly fancy living with them and commuting up to London every day. Which would be what would happen.

However, I need two As and a B for York, and one A and two Bs for Nottingham, and I don't know if I can manage it. Then there's the trouble of what subjects to take next year: I love English and I fucking HATE media studies, but should I take the one I like more, or suffer for a year if I'd be more likely to get into a decent uni? Ugh, this is such a mission! Help! At least I know the exact course I want to take...

Also, my thoughts go out to everyone in Poland following the plane crash that killed many important members of their government, including the president. May they all rest in peace.

Today's music is a Florence & The Machine demo. I like it way more than the final version!


Peace&Love

Of a newly revised bucket list.

- Study music at university.
- Tour Europe by train and visit every capital city.
- Learn to walk in slip on shoes.
- Join some kind of group of political activists.
- Join a band.
- See the Northern Lights.
- Read all the works of Shakespeare.
- Go scuba diving.
- Meet Tuomas Holopainen.
- Dye my hair some insane colour.

I'm sitting here surrounded by stray paper, a vegetarian cookbook and my beloved iPod. And it's bloody freezing.

Spring is finally upon us. I hate spring, basically due to the weather (I'm British, all I do is complain about the weather!). It's mild and rainy, the inbetween season. And I like extremes. Still, it's a time for new beginnings. I think I'm going to fiddle around with the colourscheme on this thing.

Easter holidays - a bittersweet feeling. On one hand it's great to be off school and to be able to go out and do all kinds of crazy things with my friends and boyfriend, but on the downside I will be spending nearly all of it working. A/S level exams are painfully close.

We didn't make the media deadline, which sucks. I don't want it to sound like I'm blaming someone else for my own mistakes, but to be honest, the teachers were the ones who never gave us any equimpment with which to do the aforementioned coursework, and thus it is ALL THEIR FAULT. Ah well... we're nearly done, so we'll be getting it in as soon as humanly possible.

Today's music is Leverage. Because the vocals from 3.34 to 3.45 made my heart skip a beat.


Peace & Love

Of plaguing questions and disenchantment

I can't help but wonder what the answers to the following questions are:
-What would life be like if I was bilingual?
-What would life be like if I was completely alone?
-What would life be like if I never dwelled on mistakes and just let things go?
-What will life be like in fifty years time?
-Why is Pingu's dad always ironing when none of them wear any clothes?

Today I'm feeling... disenchanted. It's one of those days when I just want to be somewhere else, just leave and never look back. Though I'd never actually do this. I have escapism to do that for me. And I know that the feeling always passes. Life continues to mundanely roll by, but none of that matters because I know that I have it better than a lot of people. I'm grateful for what I have. There are people here that I'd never be able to leave behind.

And I absolutely love this writer.

Music today is Vivaldi, since I'm that awesome.


Peace & Love

Of potential pub brawls and Shakespearean views

I have recently realised that my entire view of life is based on Romeo And Juliet.

I believe that love and hate always come in pairs. Like binary oppositions in media studies. One cannot exist without the other. If there is no hate, how can you know what love is?

However, I also firmly believe that love will triumph in the end. Although Romeo and Juliet take their own lives, they are together in death, and their families are brought together in grief. As long as someone is always holding on to that hope that love will triumph, then one day that hope will become a reality. If hope is lost, then what? Losing hope can have disasterous effects, both physically and mentally, and I've seen what it can do to a person. Although I'd really rather not go into that.

Ok, enough pensive-ness for the moment. The soundtrack to the Romeo and Juliet filmbought in town today. I went there with brought it on, which I Emi and Georgie, where they planned the conception of their Californian bar. I don't think my interjections of "Finns!" at random intervals were particularly helpful, but hey, you can't have everything in life. My apparent ability to be a deep thinker is balanced with the fact that I have no idea when to shut up.

Today's music is from the soundtrack.

Peace & Love

Of new beginnings and faded memories

This year I:

Was proud of five GCSE results (I took seven this year)

.B in maths

.A's in English language, additional science and music

.A* in Japanese

Tried four things for the first time

.Playing the bass

.Being vegetarian

.Learning a new language (fairly unsuccesfully)

.Media studies

Saw three bands live

.Kaiser Chiefs

.Nightwish ♥

.Blur

Kicked two bad habits

.Biting my nails

.Being hideously disorganised

Got asked out once.

 -------------------------------

Next year I will

.Work more

.Spend less

.Take nothing for granted

First music post of 2010 goes to Leverage. Not many songs make me cry, but this nearly did.

Peace & Love

Of hair dye disasters and raging against machines

There was a campaign recently to try to get a song other than the winning X Factor single to number 1 in the UK charts this week. The song chosen to rival it was Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine. Now, there's campaigns like this every year, and I always download the song, just the once, though it never seems to come to anything.

Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name

For the record, I have nothing against Joe McElderry (the X Factor winner). I actually think he has a pretty good voice. It's just the whole principle of the programme. The contestants get this record deal, where they'll have like one or two hit singles and then be promptly forgotten. The exception here is Leona Lewis, and even she's mostly popular in the States. People have their dreams crushed on that programme, people are turned away simply because they don't have the right look or because they like the wrong sort of music. But there's one man who wins every time, and that is Mr Simon Cowell. Don't even get me started on him.

So, I downloaded this song off iPrunes, then today checked back to see how it was doing.

Lo and behold: NUMBER ONE

EPIC WIN.

In other news, I dyed my hair reddish brown recently. Semi - permanent. Said it comes out in 24 washes. Well I've washed it once and it's nearly all gone already! Just the top of my head is red, the rest is my natural boring brown. Ah well, at least it doesn't look too retarded.

Peace & Love

Of Chinese food and TV shows

Went for Chinese at Cosmo with Georgie, Izzy and Ed today. Ate way too much and dragged Ed round New Look, Topshop, Dorothy Perkins and Superdrug for like an hour and a half. We let him pour sugar into his coke in Cafe Nero though. Big mistake. It fizzed EVERYWHERE and he couldn't gulp it down fast enough, so it went all over the table and floor. Epic fail.

Returned home to discover that they're filming 60 Minute Makeover down our road. Incidentally the TV vans have been there at least since I left the house at ten past eleven, and they're still there now!

Tomorrow I have a bass lesson and I'm meeting up with a friend called George... Emi knows what I'm talking about here, I'll elaborate if anything interesting happens...

Peace & Love

Of rainy days and technology

The umbrellas have been out all week... I have a half day tomorrow and an inset day on Friday, so that's looking good.

Hayley has swine flu, but said she's feeling a little better now, so I hope she gets well soon.

I'm still having a bit of an internal tug of war between my head and my heart, do I keep what I have or do I take a gamble? I don't know, I don't want to rush anything...

I got a new phone, and I'm having massive problems trying to get it to work! It doesn't help that my computer keeps disconnecting it of its own accord!

Today's music is more like poetry than anything else. It astounds me that this is so beautiful, and yet the rest of the band's stuff is like BRUTAL RAGING DEATH METAL D:

My Dying Bride - For My Fallen Angel

Peace & Love

Of choices and rumours

What do you do if you want something but are too scared to go after it?

Even though you know you should live each day as if it's your last.

What do you do when you've been told your thoughts aren't in vain,

And yet there's no word from the one person you want to hear it from?

What do you do when you love what you have,

But somehow you still want more?

Do you stay safe, or do you take a gamble and follow your heart?

Peace & Love

Of epic battles and devastation

Our tale begins on the eve of the eighth of September, 2009, in a girls grammar school.

The teachers have noticed something fishy.

"Something appears to be wrong with the toilets!" cried one. "They won't flush!" Baffled slowly and methodically went through a copy of the yellow pages in order to find some plumbers. by this revelation, the head teacher. Eventually, they arrived, clad in... errr... what plumbers usually wear. They shut themselves in the room where they believed the problem to be, while the head teacher peered frantically through a small window in the door. After several hours of painstaking work, the chief plumber emerged. "You might want to sit down." he explained to the head. "It isn't good news..."

At exactly 9:45 the following morning, the head's army of teachers were forced to grimly make their way up to their form rooms and deliver the news to the eagerly waiting students. One in particular wanted to put off the news for as long as possible. She walked into her form room - a hi-tech area (the computer room), which was filled with sixth formers. She handed out the letters, which had been "lovingly" prepared by the head, face down. "Now." she said, solemnly, when everybody had recieved one, "Turn them over and try not to scream."

The letters read that due to an unforseen collapsing main water pipe, there were not enough facilities to accomodate the students, and thus, they would have to be sent home. The students, needless to say, were absolutely devastated.

So, the line of students wound up from the school toward the high street, tramping their way up to Starbucks, and, inevitably, to home.

Meanwhile, the headteacher had decided that enough was enough. She called her secret base and requested an epic crack team of plumbers to come to the school and rectify the problem. After around five minutes, the plumbers burst into the room containing the rogue pipe, and began to work...

After a painstaking night of trying to contol the water supply, the (very wet) plumbers left the room, looking tired and glum. The headteacher frantically asked their commander "what is it?! WHAT'S WRONG??!!" The plumber said "I'm sorry. We did everything we could."

It was by this time early morning, and the head teacher was forced to make an announcement over the school website. It read:

"I write to advise you that unfortunately we have not been able to reinstate the water supply. As a result the school will be closed on Thursday 10 September. The updated position regarding closure will be posted on the website and you are advised to check this regularly. I should like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your help and support during the closure."

To make a long story short: I have a day off today!

Peace & Love

Of corruption and science fiction

Today I finally got round to watching the five hours of Torchwood that was on telly recently on BBC iPlayer. I'd never actually watched Torchwood before, but this looked interesting. I watched it, there were some moments when I wanted to cheer, some when I wanted to laugh, and some when I wanted to cry. In fact when Ianto died I was half crying, half screaming "KISS HIM!" at Captain Jack.

Either way, it got me thinking. I know that it's science-fiction and we've never actually had an alien invasion, but it was the workings of the fictional government that struck me. There are so many governments out there. Ours has made a royal fuck of things as I've said many times before, and there's some out there which are really... corrupt. I think the government in Torchwood isn't that far from the truth of some in this world. If it wasn't for the heroes of the story, they would have just sacrificed 10% of the children in the world. Now I know that, the only other option being war, if this was the case it would be the only option. However, the government should have:

.Selected random children rather than saving the intelligent ones

.Not exempted their own children from the process, as that's not fair

.Oh, and TOLD THE PUBLIC WHAT THEY WERE DOING.

What kind of a world do we live in, really? We hear all this shit on the news every day! And yet it never changes. Yeah you get some people who try to make a difference, but they can't do it alone. I guess some people just don't want to get involved. But maybe it's not that hard. Maybe if everyone was just nice to each other, respected each other and didn't take things for granted, we COULD change the world. See. No physical effort required.

The other thing that made me think was how, even though everyone had given up, the world was in turmoil, just the notion that something could be done, resulted in the children being saved. Captain Jack lost loved ones I know, his lover and his own grandson, but he KEPT GOING. What drove him on?

Maybe it was hope.

It reminded me of the "composers note" written in the CD inlay of Nightwish's Century Child album, where Tuomas Holopainen said:

"Losing faith and love is bearable, losing hope is the end of everything."

At some other point, he also said:

"Hope is the one thing you should always cling to, no matter how f*cked up things are."

"Losing faith and love is bearable, losing hope is the end of everything. Hope is the one thing you should always cling to, no matter how f*cked up things are."

I don't take my life for granted, I know how lucky I am. But when I see all this shit on the news, when I think about my friends who aren't as fortunate as me, I wonder what the point of this stupid world is, and wonder why we put up with it all.

Then I remember this quote. And it all makes sense.

And now I carry it with me always. On a scrap of paper in my purse.

Peace & Love

Of motivation and inspiration

It is a truth universally acknowledged that lying only brings about hurt and pain.

So I'm not going to pretend that I love you.

Or at least, I'm not in love with you.

You're just another person, another cloud in the sky over London...

... but something in the worlds you create paint a portrait of my soul.

Bearing in mind that you have no idea what goes on in my head.

May you never know.

You bring about a change in me.

The bright smoke of your eyes makes me feel like I'm drowning in pure liquid oxygen, yet having no desire to escape this fate.

The harmonies emitted from your slender fingertips make me want to scream my heart out, cry my eyes out, and grin like a psychopath all at the same time.

Every time you speak, some strange chemical is injected into my bloodstream that makes my heart ache for you. Even if you talk of something completely trivial.

I can imagine you hear crap like this all the time, but you are the only reason I get up in the morning ready for the bliss the day will bring, and the only reason I've ever cried myself to sleep.

You've taken long strands of my DNA and arranged them into the words and stanzas that light up my soul.

You provide me with an escape route, a beautiful sanctuary without violence or pain that I can use to find my release.

I visit it so often its concrete path has become worn with my footsteps.

I long for you to find what makes you happy and completes you, but at the same time am afraid that it will change you.

It's selfish, but it's true.

When I was on the verge of giving up my hopes and dreams and sacrificing myself to reality, you came into my mind, twisting your fingers through your dark tangle of hair and politely requested that I stop being such a dumbass.

I've never thought of giving up again.

Your very expression makes me feel like an over-excited three year old, an angsty teenager and an adult who's seen it all and more, all in the same instant.

You motivate my life.

You inspire my words.

You give me the hope I can always cling to, no matter what.

And yet all I can possibly do in return is say two words which in this context mean the world.

Thank You

Peace & Love